The Path
of the Obvious March 26, 2001 Sometimes in life
we need to take a good look at our results in life. Maybe you've heard this before, and
think that you habitually see with clear eyes. What I am suggesting here is that you can
take your perception to another level, and gain greater mastery in your environment.
The path of the obvious is simply what IS... right now. It is the sum total of
information that your senses perceive (remember here, your rational brain is not a sense
organ!).
Acknowledging the path of the obvious makes you particularly effective when facing
delusion-producing words from others. An example of a very common delusional statement is:
"I don't want what I have." The truth in every situation is that we CAN
change what we have if we want it enough. Period. So if we don't change our experience, on
some level, we actually want things as they are right now. The path of the obvious allows
us to effect change swiftly with our eyes on reality, not slow hands in delusion.
Illuminating the path of the obvious can deeply irritate folks concerned primarily with
impression management. Imagine telling a tyrannical boss that he/she prefers to spout
about empowerment as he repeatedly discredits the staff, especially if he has been
spouting about empowerment and discrediting the staff... The boss will bring out his
finest rational guns to battle your observation of reality. Didn't you know he was
"trying"?! What about his intentions, his plans?!
[right perception: "you are a person of many intentions and plans."]
Citing mental activity as indicative of reality is the kind of resistance that is to be
expected, and yet not to be engaged with. You can't win that battle, the thinker is far
too entrenched with way too much ammo! What you need to do is see clearly the path
of the obvious in your own life, assess it, and change it profoundly where deeply desired.
Did you hear that? You must first see clearly in your OWN life first, lest you get deluded
by another's rational thinking.
To effect change with someone invested in the path of the delusion is to simply and
unemotionally state perception of the obvious. You may need to do this repeatedly as you
will probably come up against resistance. Within the obvious (i.e. Life) lies the seeds of
all change. This holds true for transforming your own life as well... you must keep seeing
what actually is, recognizing it on a moment by moment basis, as you take real steps with
real feet to effect the change you really want.
Follow me?
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
What do you stand for
when you've fallen down? April 9, 2001
I've come to notice in life that the vast majority of people want to help others. This
behavior is so natural to us, that even on airplanes we have to be told
to put our own oxygen mask on before helping another.
When we look closely at our lives, we realize that we do help others daily;
making incremental, subtle and occasionally major differences in the lives of our
families, friends, co-workers, and strangers. We give so much -- and want to give so
much more! A generous bunch of folks, we most certainly are...
But have you ever noticed that many of us tend to get worn out? Getting stopped
regularly with illnesses, burn out, pain, and even helplessness? We have all heard
about the housewife who gives so much to her family and community only to get a tragic
illness at a young age. Or the other one who goes ballistic. Maybe even you have
experienced not having the energy to help like you want to, getting sick when others need
you, or being forced by illness to just STOP EVERYTHING...
These crippling respites rob our loved ones of our generosity, and ourselves our peace
of mind. They are not necessary however, and can be avoided. The key is to invite ourselves
back into humanity (i.e. Those Who Need to be Given To), and stay there!
The key to living a life of service and generosity is to make self-care our first
priority. This means doing what nurtures us; resting, caring for our bodies and souls,
making ourselves happy. Our self care then becomes the foundation on which we build our
service to humanity.
Here is where we can become good at standing for Generosity, Service, Inclusion and
Acceptance, because we KNOW there is no "us and them" when it comes to
"people in need." If we really want to help, we need be humble enough to start
our kindness at the obvious point... and then to strengthen this foundation regularly.
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
In the Thick of Decision
April 16, 2001
When it comes to making decisions, we often find ourselves weighing facts, making
guesses, speculating and analyzing, getting ready to make plans. Maybe we are strategizing
our next career move, or analyzing what to do about a problem, maybe deciding what to
accomplish in our lives...
Since being a human means making decisions is inevitable, anyone can benefit from the
following tool. It is something that productive decision makers know instinctively, and
agonizing decision-makers can develop. Understand this, and you will be forever
freed from the pain of lingering in limbo or dilemma.
First we must know that the discomfort associated with making decisions is the pain of
being in (literally "IN") the mode of decision. If you remember after the last
time you made even a difficult decision (such as quitting a job, saying no to a friend,
etc.) you actually felt RELIEF after it was made. The discomfort is IN indecision, and
peace always lies beyond it.
Being in-decision is like being in a cage, and the emotional reactions are almost the
same..."get me out of this thing! This is uncomfortable!" This feeling is
inherent to all humans for a reason: it is our internal message to move.
We must also recognize that analyzing, speculating, even fact-gathering, are
occupations that take place within the cage of indecision, but cannot free us from it.
Our choices are not causing us discomfort, being in the
box is. Intellectual contemplation is good to the extent to which it facilitates escape
from the cage of indecision. To the extent to which it lulls us into complacency, it is
our warden. The moment of escape can only come in the moment we risk... and choose to
create finest choice we can imagine.
Another key is that no decision is inherently permanent. After all, decision is an
activity of the mind, and the mind is designed to change. (Intention and action CAN
make a single decision dynamically stronger over time, but that is another idea of the
week...).
There is no law that decisions are forever. The only law is that we all will be forced
to make decisions for the rest of our lives, one after another. The 'permanent' notion is
just a thought designed to keep us in box of pain. The beautiful thing about making
decisions is not only does it free us from the pain of indecision, but it also strengthens
our ability to make our next decisions better and faster. So then, even if we make a
'bad' decision, we can change our minds and choose differently in less time and with less
duress.
So the tool is simple: understand these ideas, get yourself into a fine
frame of mind, and decide. Like attracts like, so a decision born of a
good state of mind will attract more of the same. Enjoy the process, because there is a
lot more to come!
In summary:
1. Indecision is painful, post-decision is peace
2. Making decisions develops the ability to make better (and better) ones faster.
3. The past does does not equal the future with decision in the moment.
4. Get happy, decide for your future, and take action!
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
Reading, Thinking. LIVING May 1, 2001
If you are attracted to read an "idea of the week," there is a good chance
that you are a life-long learner. Perhaps you read quite a bit, or think about things a
great deal. Maybe you consider yourself a seeker of knowledge, perhaps on a quest. Maybe
you look for new perspectives, weighing and analyzing them against the aggregate of your
current beliefs. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they don't.
Well, today is not offering another idea to make fit or throw out. The time of guessing
and weighing and discovering, accepting and declining, is done. Today is about taking what
you already know--- all of it, and putting it to the test. We call this: living.
Live your life today. On purpose.
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
From Updates and New Ideas May 1, 2001
Foundation for a New Day
Several years ago I had a dream where I was buying my dream house. A savvy real estate
broker showed me this gorgeous place... all big windows and water views, fine art and fine
architecture. I walked through the living room into the kitchen and felt a softness
under my feet. "Needs a little work," I thought. "No big deal. It is worth
it."
I was nearly ready to buy in when I saw that it was sand seeping up through the floor
boards. We were on a beach, after all. Just what I always wanted.
Then in this dream I remembered an axiom: build your house not on sand, but on stone,
lest the winds and waves wipe it away.
I painfully said goodbye to this near-disaster, and went about the rest of my
"dream day." Upon waking, I felt the sun streaming into my room, and a deep
sense of relief. I could count on myself for the right choice even while asleep.
What I wish for you for today is this same feeling. This complete trust in your
choices, and the courage to say no to a shaky foundation. As well as a grateful wakeup to
a brand new day.
Love,
 
Priorities for
the Marathon of Life May 16, 2001
In training for a marathon as in life, it is important to have clearly defined
priorities... and the priorities that work may or may not make sense to you.
I learned this the hard way while training these past five months for my first
marathon.
I had never run a race before, and so did a little research online as to how to train.
I kept seeing the same advice over and over: your long run is the most important
thing, rest is second.
Running longer and longer distances every week made sense to me... after all, I was
working up to 26 miles! But the rest thing.... could it be true?
Even though I had the sage words of every marathon expert telling me "rest,"
my brain still fooled me into running more and more and more. Then I crashed. Somewhere
right in the middle of my training program. My knees swelled up, my shins hurt, and my
body cried out in an agony... and I was only up to 12 miles.
"But resting can't possibly move me toward my goal," I told myself.
"Marathons are about running, therefore I must run." Back into pushing
myself, and back into injury. I cried, I wailed, I wondered if I was going to make
it.
After enough pain, I decided to try something different. I decided to align my
priorities with the masters. I ran the long runs, and I rested. I actually rested even
more than was suggested. I truly made rest my number two priority. And then I began to run
better with more joy.
Now it is 3 days before the race, and I feel ready. I have run 20 miles, and sprinted
at the end, worked a full day, then gone out dancing. I believe if I can do this, I can do
26 miles too. I feel good. My knees love me now, my shins cry "thank you."
This marathon is more than just a run through Rhode Island, it is a metaphor as to how
to live a life. If you want to make it to the finish in anything, recognize the masters
and set your priorities in line...
Happy trails to you!
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
May 23, 2001 Change the
World
Do you feel that in order to live a good life, you must make the world a better place?
Each time I ask people this question, they tend to look surprised, or sheepishly
horrified, sometimes hopeless, or loudly shout "Aye!" Seems that changing
the world is something that is crossing everybody's mind.
This is because the desire to influence beyond our personal sphere is fundamental to
being human. We all need to affect things, and to be affected by things. We desire to be
in harmony with the world, and we try to produce harmony in the world.
We all do this in different ways, from raising children consciously, to starting big
companies. From cleaning up the environment to gardening, from liberating a nation to
adopting a pound puppy.
The question is not what is not "Can I make the world a better place?" but
"How do I want to make the world a better place?" The truth of our lives
is that-- whether we want to or not-- we will make a difference. Even if
we choose to "go with the flow;" entertaining ourselves as observers in life--
we still wind up affecting the world. Even a tiny piece of driftwood displaces water and
changes the molecular flow of the river significantly-- especially as you look downstream
5000 paces....
So, how do you want your life to change the world? Do you want to groove on a
notion from the esoteric realms, or alight the imaginations of all those you encounter? Do
you want to stare back blankly from your own world of mental activity, or heal the sick or
help those in pain? Do you want to be a need-fulfilling machine? Or give the world a
joyous song... or a blueprint for peace they can move upon? Do you want to make a physical
legacy that lives beyond your years, or touch only that person right in front of you and
then disappear?
If you believe you shouldn't even be thinking of this, then I suggest you think one
more time again. Because in order to be on this planet you have been blessed with the
physical material that interrupts the flow of life; you've been given a body to bulldoze
mountains, as well as an imagination to elevate it. You have been granted an opportunity
to do in this world what can only be mused about in any "higher" realms. You can
drop a pencil, you can bend down and pick it up again.
Draw us all a better day, and create harmony for a thousand paces down the way...
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
June 1, 2001 What to do with "Too Much" Energy
Because this is many people's "little secret," this topic is rarely written
about. We have been conditioned to talk about being tired, sick and run down, but not to
talk about natural booms in our personal energy. Sometimes we've tried to re-characterize
a surge of energy in terms of illness, or chosen to self-medicate so as not to feel it. So
what can we do when we have too much energy... especially if it feels out of control?
You and I both know, that there are times when you have felt SO MUCH personal energy
that you've been a little uncomfortable. You may have experienced heightened sensory
perception, shakiness, rapid heart beat, extreme emotions, and/or a sense of serendipity
or coincidence. Many of us enjoy a degree of this, calling these sensations feeling
"really alive". Occasionally, however, a surge comes so big that we
get knocked off kilter, feeling confused and anxious.
These 'energetic booms' often follow major life changes. Sometimes pleasant ones (like
finishing a big project) sometimes unpleasant ones (like a loss of a loved one). At times
like these it is important to know one thing... act wisely. A few practical tips are
stated below:
When you experience symptoms like what is listed above.... know that there
is nothing wrong with you! What is happening is not pathology-- it is path-geography.
New options for living are being cleared for you-- a new destiny opening up. The
experiences in your body at these times are not sickness: they are the CURE. Trust that
you will soon be integrating this higher level of energy into your life, and using it
comfortably. (If you think back on your life, you will remember that you're done this
before!)
In the mean time, it is important that you do the following...
When you experience a surge of "too much" energy, you must handle yourself
wisely by "grounding" yourself immediately. Imagine an airport during a huge
thunderstorm: NO takeoffs! Get low or indoors! Wait it out... because after
the storm.. .there well be clean air and good skies for flying. And be sure to have the
ground crew take advantage of this extra time and buff up the airplane with special care
and tune-ups. (translation: make self-care practices a priority)
You will soon be back on your way, in a positive routine, feeling good, and taking
action. In fact, you can look forward to whole new level of achievement very soon. Until
then, take care (or save this idea for a day when you will need it!)
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
June 15, 2001 Your Temple of Success
As a student of personal development, I have come across countless tools, techniques
and mindsets toward achieving greater results. How to talk to oneself, what to think, what
to do, how to focus are explored in endless variations in program after program.
People flock to these ideas, and yet, few seem to really make quantum leaps in their
personal progress. Why is this?
After interviewing dozens of "achievers" (i.e. those who WRITE these
self-help books), I have come to discover the simple little secret that all achievers
really use, but rarely disclose the true importance of: your physical body.
It is true that almost every "make yourself even better" program or service
(coaching included) will at some point urge you toward better nutrition, exercise,
breathing and awareness. But usually this request is buried somewhere in the back of the
book, or mentioned as an aside.
I am here to tell you today: your physicality is the single most important factor in
your success... bar none.
This is great news to some of you, and a terrible death blow to some others--
especially if you've been waiting to feel good AFTER you reach your goals.
The truth is that no matter what you think, realize, say, visualize, or plan, you will
not get what you want without your body being fully and actively engaged in the process.
This means you must do what it takes to increase your energy, eat like you like yourself
and others, take action, and practice victory. It also means getting your body used to the
sensations of vitality, more often, so that the state of succeeding becomes a
natural fit to your entire being.
Let's face it, you can't think yourself to greater vitality, nor would you want to only
mentally celebrate your huge success. The achievements you want to attain all include
within them greater physical pleasure for you... big smiles, clapping hands, jumping up
and down, hugs, sex, relaxation, or dancing, finer foods and belly laughs. The greatest
goals you imagine-- if you look closely enough-- always include a physical celebratory
element. So why wait any longer to have that pleasure... when you can have it now on a
daily basis?
Condition yourself for success by making the 'spoils of achievement' a part of your
daily life. Eat for vitality, exercise for daily pleasure, increase your limitless energy,
and breathe with a greater appetite for life. Your body will get used to feeling like a
success, and success will flock to you.
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
June 22, 2001 Tap
Your Natural Motivation
What would it take for you to run a marathon? Or complete that project you've been
putting off? What would it take for you to clear off your desk, or start your dream
business? What might you accomplish if you knew that your every action had multiple
and far-reaching positive results?
Whatever your goal (or albatross), today's idea is meant to assist you in attaining it
by tapping your natural motivation to take daily action... and follow through to
completion.
Most marathon runners I know, for instance, make their runs about more than speed and
distance-- they choose charities or causes to run for. This serves as leverage and a
powerful motivator. But if you really asked even a casual morning jogger what is
motivating him/her move forward, they may tell you that secretly they run for world peace,
a loved one, or a principal...
It is to this level I wish to direct your attention. A woman I know, for
instance, runs for world peace, another for the happiness of a troubled relative.
Still other people run for "principals" like freedom or persistence, or
ideals like making the world a better place. This is not only nice, but a powerful
way to insure that they keep going. More importantly it gives the runner enjoyment along
the way.
Running is but one venue where this principal works. Most people realize that doing
anything for their own personal victory can get them to start the "race,"
but rarely brings them to the finish. This is because as human beings, we are wired to be
able to do more for others than we can for ourselves. Recognizing this, and utilizing it,
is our natural motivation, and power and strength too.
So how can this principal energize your daily life? How can you use it to put
yourself into movement right now?
Regardless of the task, the principal of "doing for" will empower and inspire
action-- so choose something that really juices you to MOVE! Maybe ironing can be
about smoothing the tough spots in a loved-one's life. Perhaps cleaning your desk can be a
testament to the principal of simplicity. Maybe your housework can be about making the
world a better place... Or getting in shape about shaping your community. What else
would excite you to act? What else would make you feel good to take steps to that end?
So go ahead and try this: choose a task you've either dreaded, procrastinated,
been afraid of, or simply must complete. Make it all about someone else... or something
greater than yourself. Link up your thoughts and emotions with that greater goal.. and get
moving on the 'smaller' one.
(you just may find yourself getting much more than you bargained for...)
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403.
July 2, 2001 Relationship
Forecast
What if you could tell, within the first 2 minutes of meeting somebody, exactly what
the dynamic of your relationship was all about.... and what would likely occur in the
future...
Would this save you from some painful mistakes? Give you insight as to how to
communicate with this person? Make you more effective? Improve your quality of life? Give
you a graceful entry or exit?
A wise teacher taught me that you can understand the dynamic of any relationship,
simply by seeing clearly the first 2 minutes of your interaction. All the tendencies of
how you will interact is apparent within this time: it is outlined plainly in the context,
reactions, roles, and communication of this first meeting. This teacher also said that
seeing this way was a tool for the brave, and best tested against past relationships
before analyzing current involvements...
To this end, to follow are some good questions to ask yourself about any first meeting
(it does not have to be "romantic"-- any meeting with any person will do!).
It is best to "report" to yourself just the facts, not your own
interpretations of those facts. In other words, answer these questions for yourself as if
you were reporting on the witness stand-- and all subjective comments would be stricken
from the testimony! To see clearly, it might be beneficial for you to write your
recollections down, and review the entire 'picture' at the end...
1) Who was I being when I met this person? Was I acting in any particular role (i.e.
teacher, window-washer, bartender, student...)
2) What role was that person in?
3) What was the physical environment of our meeting? Notice details...
4) Was anyone physically moving? Who? In which direction?
5) What was my intial gut reaction? Did he/she remind me of someone? Of an animal? A
color? A piece of music?
6) How did this person describe him/herself? How did I? Was I 100% accurate in that
moment?
7) Who else is in the room, and what are they doing?
8) What was our primary topic of conversation?
9) What was the point at which I perceived my thoughts about this person? What were those
first thoughts?
10) Who was the first to cue departure? Who actually was the first to move away?
It is the seeing clearly part that may take a little practice, and yet is rich with
understanding as you get good at it. It may be helpful to share these insights with
someone who comes from a place of non-judgement, as they will help you to strengthen this
skill.
And if you have any questions about what you see and what to do next, you can always
call a coach.
Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be
duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes
only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com
www.cornerstonecoaching.com or
call toll free 1-877-532-0403. |