The Path of the Obvious  March 26, 2001

Sometimes in life we need to take a good look at our results in life. Maybe you've heard this before, and think that you habitually see with clear eyes. What I am suggesting here is that you can take your perception to another level, and gain greater mastery in your environment.

The path of the obvious is simply what IS... right now. It is the sum total of information that your senses perceive (remember here, your rational brain is not a sense organ!).

Acknowledging the path of the obvious makes you particularly effective when facing delusion-producing words from others. An example of a very common delusional statement is:   "I don't want what I have." The truth in every situation is that we CAN change what we have if we want it enough. Period. So if we don't change our experience, on some level, we actually want things as they are right now. The path of the obvious allows us to effect change swiftly with our eyes on reality, not slow hands in delusion.

Illuminating the path of the obvious can deeply irritate folks concerned primarily with impression management. Imagine telling a tyrannical boss that he/she prefers to spout about empowerment as he repeatedly discredits the staff, especially if he has been spouting about empowerment and discrediting the staff...  The boss will bring out his finest rational guns to battle your observation of reality. Didn't you know he was "trying"?!   What about his intentions, his plans?!

[right perception: "you are a person of many intentions and plans."]

Citing mental activity as indicative of reality is the kind of resistance that is to be expected, and yet not to be engaged with. You can't win that battle, the thinker is far too entrenched with way too much ammo!  What you need to do is see clearly the path of the obvious in your own life, assess it, and change it profoundly where deeply desired. Did you hear that? You must first see clearly in your OWN life first, lest you get deluded by another's rational thinking.

To effect change with someone invested in the path of the delusion is to simply and unemotionally state perception of the obvious. You may need to do this repeatedly as you will probably come up against resistance. Within the obvious (i.e. Life) lies the seeds of all change. This holds true for transforming your own life as well... you must keep seeing what actually is, recognizing it on a moment by moment basis, as you take real steps with real feet to effect the  change you really want.

Follow me?

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

What do you stand for when you've fallen down?  April 9, 2001

I've come to notice in life that the vast majority of people want to help others. This behavior is so natural to us, that even on airplanes we have to be told to put our own oxygen mask on before helping another.

When we look closely at our lives, we realize that we do help others daily; making incremental, subtle and occasionally major differences in the lives of our families, friends, co-workers, and strangers. We give so much -- and want to give so much more!  A generous bunch of folks, we most certainly are...

But have you ever noticed that many of us tend to get worn out? Getting stopped regularly with illnesses, burn out, pain, and even helplessness?  We have all heard about the housewife who gives so much to her family and community only to get a tragic illness at a young age. Or the other one who goes ballistic.  Maybe even you have experienced not having the energy to help like you want to, getting sick when others need you, or being forced by illness to just STOP EVERYTHING...

These crippling respites rob our loved ones of our generosity, and ourselves our peace of mind. They are not necessary however, and can be avoided. The key is to invite ourselves back into humanity (i.e. Those Who Need to be Given To), and stay there!

The key to living a life of service and generosity is to make self-care our first priority. This means doing what nurtures us; resting, caring for our bodies and souls, making ourselves happy. Our self care then becomes the foundation on which we build our service to humanity.

Here is where we can become good at standing for Generosity, Service, Inclusion and Acceptance, because we KNOW there is no "us and them" when it comes to "people in need." If we really want to help, we need be humble enough to start our kindness at the obvious point... and then to strengthen this foundation regularly.

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

In the Thick of Decision   April 16, 2001

When it comes to making decisions, we often find ourselves weighing facts, making guesses, speculating and analyzing, getting ready to make plans. Maybe we are strategizing our next career move, or analyzing what to do about a problem, maybe deciding what to accomplish in our lives...

Since being a human means making decisions is inevitable, anyone can benefit from the following tool. It is something that productive decision makers know instinctively, and agonizing decision-makers can develop. Understand this, and you will be forever freed from the pain of lingering in limbo or dilemma.

First we must know that the discomfort associated with making decisions is the pain of being in (literally "IN") the mode of decision. If you remember after the last time you made even a difficult decision (such as quitting a job, saying no to a friend, etc.) you actually felt RELIEF after it was made. The discomfort is IN indecision, and peace always lies beyond it.

Being in-decision is like being in a cage, and the emotional reactions are almost the same..."get me out of this thing! This is uncomfortable!"  This feeling is inherent to all humans for a reason: it is our internal message to move.

We must also recognize that analyzing, speculating, even fact-gathering, are occupations that take place within the cage of indecision, but cannot free us from it.   Our choices are not causing us discomfort, being in the box is. Intellectual contemplation is good to the extent to which it facilitates escape from the cage of indecision. To the extent to which it lulls us into complacency, it is our warden. The moment of escape can only come in the moment we risk... and choose to create finest choice we can imagine.

Another key is that no decision is inherently permanent. After all, decision is an activity of the mind, and the mind is designed to change.  (Intention and action CAN make a single decision dynamically stronger over time, but that is another idea of the week...).

There is no law that decisions are forever. The only law is that we all will be forced to make decisions for the rest of our lives, one after another. The 'permanent' notion is just a thought designed to keep us in box of pain. The beautiful thing about making decisions is not only does it free us from the pain of indecision, but it also strengthens our ability to make our next decisions better and faster.  So then, even if we make a 'bad' decision, we can change our minds and choose differently in less time and with less duress.

So the tool is simple: understand these ideas, get yourself into a fine frame of mind, and decide.  Like attracts like, so a decision born of a good state of mind will attract more of the same. Enjoy the process, because there is a lot more to come!

In summary:

1. Indecision is painful,  post-decision is peace
2. Making decisions develops the ability to make better (and better) ones faster.
3. The past does does not equal the future with decision in the moment.
4. Get happy, decide for your future, and take action!

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

Reading, Thinking. LIVING  May 1, 2001

If you are attracted to read an "idea of the week," there is a good chance that you are a life-long learner. Perhaps you read quite a bit, or think about things a great deal. Maybe you consider yourself a seeker of knowledge, perhaps on a quest. Maybe you look for new perspectives, weighing and analyzing them against the aggregate of your current beliefs. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they don't.

Well, today is not offering another idea to make fit or throw out. The time of guessing and weighing and discovering, accepting and declining, is done. Today is about taking what you already know--- all of it, and putting it to the test.  We call this: living.

Live your life today. On purpose.

 

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

From Updates and New Ideas    May 1, 2001

Foundation for a New Day

Several years ago I had a dream where I was buying my dream house. A savvy real estate broker showed me this gorgeous place... all big windows and water views, fine art and fine architecture.  I walked through the living room into the kitchen and felt a softness under my feet. "Needs a little work," I thought. "No big deal. It is worth it."

I was nearly ready to buy in when I saw that it was sand seeping up through the floor boards. We were on a beach, after all. Just what I always wanted.

Then in this dream I remembered an axiom: build your house not on sand, but on stone, lest the winds and waves wipe it away.

I painfully said goodbye to this near-disaster, and went about the rest of my "dream day." Upon waking, I felt the sun streaming into my room, and a deep sense of relief. I could count on myself for the right choice even while asleep.

What I wish for you for today is this same feeling. This complete trust in your choices, and the courage to say no to a shaky foundation. As well as a grateful wakeup to a brand new day.

 

Love,


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Priorities for the Marathon of Life    May 16, 2001

In training for a marathon as in life, it is important to have clearly defined priorities... and the priorities that work may or may not make sense to you.

I learned this the hard way while training these past five months for my first marathon.

I had never run a race before, and so did a little research online as to how to train. I kept seeing the same advice over and over:  your long run is the most important thing, rest is second.

Running longer and longer distances every week made sense to me... after all, I was working  up to 26 miles! But the rest thing.... could it be true?

Even though I had the sage words of every marathon expert telling me "rest," my brain still fooled me into running more and more and more. Then I crashed. Somewhere right in the middle of my training program. My knees swelled up, my shins hurt, and my body cried out in an agony... and I was only up to 12 miles.

"But resting can't possibly move me toward my goal," I told myself. "Marathons are about running, therefore I must run."  Back into pushing myself, and back into injury. I cried, I wailed, I  wondered if I was going to make it.

After enough pain,  I decided to try something different. I decided to align my priorities with the masters. I ran the long runs, and I rested. I actually rested even more than was suggested. I truly made rest my number two priority. And then I began to run better with more joy.

Now it is 3 days before the race, and I feel ready. I have run 20 miles, and sprinted at the end, worked a full day, then gone out dancing. I believe if I can do this, I can do 26 miles too. I feel good. My knees love me now, my shins cry "thank you."

This marathon is more than just a run through Rhode Island, it is a metaphor as to how to live a life. If you want to make it to the finish in anything, recognize the masters and set your priorities in line...

Happy trails to you!

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

May 23, 2001     Change the World

Do you feel that in order to live a good life, you must make the world a better place?

Each time I ask people this question, they tend to look surprised, or sheepishly horrified, sometimes hopeless, or loudly shout "Aye!"  Seems that changing the world is something that is crossing everybody's mind.

This is because the desire to influence beyond our personal sphere is fundamental to being human. We all need to affect things, and to be affected by things. We desire to be in harmony with the world, and we try to produce harmony in the world.

We all do this in different ways, from raising children consciously, to starting big companies. From cleaning up the environment to gardening, from liberating a nation to adopting a pound puppy.

The question is not what is not "Can I make the world a better place?" but "How do I want to make the world a better place?"  The truth of our lives is that-- whether we want to or not-- we will make a difference. Even if we choose to "go with the flow;" entertaining ourselves as observers in life-- we still wind up affecting the world. Even a tiny piece of driftwood displaces water and changes the molecular flow of the river significantly-- especially as you look downstream 5000 paces....

So, how do you want your life to change the world?  Do you want to groove on a notion from the esoteric realms, or alight the imaginations of all those you encounter? Do you want to stare back blankly from your own world of mental activity, or heal the sick or help those in pain? Do you want to be a need-fulfilling machine? Or give the world a joyous song... or a blueprint for peace they can move upon? Do you want to make a physical legacy that lives beyond your years, or touch only that person right in front of you and then disappear?

If you believe you shouldn't even be thinking of this, then I suggest you think one more time again. Because in order to be on this planet you have been blessed with the physical material that interrupts the flow of life; you've been given a body to bulldoze mountains, as well as an imagination to elevate it. You have been granted an opportunity to do in this world what can only be mused about in any "higher" realms. You can drop a pencil, you can bend down and pick it up again.

Draw us all a better day, and create harmony for a thousand paces down the way...

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

 

June 1, 2001    What to do with "Too Much" Energy

Because this is many people's "little secret," this topic is rarely written about. We have been conditioned to talk about being tired, sick and run down, but not to talk about natural booms in our personal energy. Sometimes we've tried to re-characterize a surge of energy in terms of illness, or chosen to self-medicate so as not to feel it. So what can we do when we have too much energy... especially if it feels out of control?

You and I both know, that there are times when you have felt SO MUCH personal energy that you've been a little uncomfortable. You may have experienced heightened sensory perception, shakiness, rapid heart beat, extreme emotions, and/or a sense of serendipity or coincidence. Many of us enjoy a degree of this, calling these sensations feeling "really alive".  Occasionally, however, a surge comes so big that we get knocked off kilter, feeling confused and anxious.

These 'energetic booms' often follow major life changes. Sometimes pleasant ones (like finishing a big project) sometimes unpleasant ones (like a loss of a loved one). At times like these it is important to know one thing... act wisely. A few practical tips are stated below:

When you experience symptoms like what is listed above.... know that there is nothing wrong with you!  What is happening is not pathology-- it is path-geography. New options for living are being cleared for you-- a new destiny opening up. The experiences in your body at these times are not sickness: they are the CURE. Trust that you will soon be integrating this higher level of energy into your life, and using it comfortably. (If you think back on your life, you will remember that you're done this before!)

In the mean time, it is important that you do the following...

When you experience a surge of "too much" energy, you must handle yourself wisely by "grounding" yourself immediately. Imagine an airport during a huge thunderstorm: NO takeoffs!  Get low or indoors!  Wait it out... because after the storm.. .there well be clean air and good skies for flying. And be sure to have the ground crew take advantage of this extra time and buff up the airplane with special care and tune-ups. (translation: make self-care practices a priority)

You will soon be back on your way, in a positive routine, feeling good, and taking action. In fact, you can look forward to whole new level of achievement very soon. Until then, take care (or save this idea for a day when you will need it!)

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

June 15, 2001   Your Temple of Success

As a student of personal development, I have come across countless tools, techniques and mindsets toward achieving greater results. How to talk to oneself, what to think, what to do, how to focus are explored in endless variations in program after program.

People flock to these ideas, and yet, few seem to really make quantum leaps in their personal progress. Why is this?

After interviewing dozens of "achievers" (i.e. those who WRITE these self-help books), I have come to discover the simple little secret that all achievers really use, but rarely disclose the true importance of:  your physical body.

It is true that almost every "make yourself even better" program or service (coaching included) will at some point urge you toward better nutrition, exercise, breathing and awareness. But usually this request is buried somewhere in the back of the book, or mentioned as an aside.

I am here to tell you today: your physicality is the single most important factor in your success... bar none.

This is great news to some of you, and a terrible death blow to some others-- especially if you've been waiting to feel good AFTER you reach your goals.

The truth is that no matter what you think, realize, say, visualize, or plan, you will not get what you want without your body being fully and actively engaged in the process. This means you must do what it takes to increase your energy, eat like you like yourself and others, take action, and practice victory. It also means getting your body used to the sensations of vitality, more often, so that the state of  succeeding becomes a natural fit to your entire being.

Let's face it, you can't think yourself to greater vitality, nor would you want to only mentally celebrate your huge success. The achievements you want to attain all include within them greater physical pleasure for you... big smiles, clapping hands, jumping up and down, hugs, sex, relaxation, or dancing, finer foods and belly laughs. The greatest goals you imagine-- if you look closely enough-- always include a physical celebratory element. So why wait any longer to have that pleasure... when you can have it now on a daily basis?

Condition yourself for success by making the 'spoils of achievement' a part of your daily life. Eat for vitality, exercise for daily pleasure, increase your limitless energy, and breathe with a greater appetite for life. Your body will get used to feeling like a success, and success will flock to you.

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

   June 22, 2001   Tap Your Natural Motivation

 

What would it take for you to run a marathon? Or complete that project you've been putting off? What would it take for you to clear off your desk, or start your dream business?  What might you accomplish if you knew that your every action had multiple and far-reaching positive results?

Whatever your goal (or albatross), today's idea is meant to assist you in attaining it by tapping your natural motivation to take daily action... and follow through to completion.

Most marathon runners I know, for instance, make their runs about more than speed and distance-- they choose charities or causes to run for. This serves as leverage and a powerful motivator. But if you really asked even a casual morning jogger what is motivating him/her move forward, they may tell you that secretly they run for world peace, a loved one,  or a principal...

It is to this level I wish to direct your attention.  A woman I know, for instance, runs for world peace, another  for the happiness of a troubled relative.   Still other people run for "principals" like freedom or persistence, or ideals like making the world a better place. This is not only nice,  but a powerful way to insure that they keep going. More importantly it gives the runner enjoyment along the way.

Running is but one venue where this principal works. Most people realize that doing anything for their own personal victory can get them to start the "race,"   but rarely brings them to the finish. This is because as human beings, we are wired to be able to do more for others than we can for ourselves. Recognizing this, and utilizing it, is our natural motivation, and power and strength too.

So how can this principal energize your daily life?  How can you use it to put yourself into movement right now?

Regardless of the task, the principal of "doing for" will empower and inspire action-- so choose something that really juices you to MOVE!  Maybe ironing can be about smoothing the tough spots in a loved-one's life. Perhaps cleaning your desk can be a testament to the principal of simplicity. Maybe your housework can be about making the world a better place... Or getting in shape about shaping your community.  What else would excite you to act? What else would make you feel good to take steps to that end?

So go ahead and try this:  choose a task you've either dreaded, procrastinated, been afraid of, or simply must complete. Make it all about someone else... or something greater than yourself. Link up your thoughts and emotions with that greater goal.. and get moving on the 'smaller' one. 

(you just may find yourself getting much more than you bargained for...)

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

July 2, 2001     Relationship Forecast

What if you could tell, within the first 2 minutes of meeting somebody, exactly what the dynamic of your relationship was all about.... and what would likely occur in the future...

Would this save you from some painful mistakes? Give you insight as to how to communicate with this person? Make you more effective? Improve your quality of life? Give you a graceful entry or exit?

A wise teacher taught me that you can understand the dynamic of any relationship, simply by seeing clearly the first 2 minutes of your interaction. All the tendencies of how you will interact is apparent within this time: it is outlined plainly in the context, reactions, roles, and communication of this first meeting. This teacher also said that seeing this way was a tool for the brave, and best tested against past relationships before analyzing current involvements...

To this end, to follow are some good questions to ask yourself about any first meeting (it does not have to be "romantic"-- any meeting with any person will do!).   It is best to "report" to yourself just the facts, not your own interpretations of those facts. In other words, answer these questions for yourself as if you were reporting on the witness stand-- and all subjective comments would be stricken from the testimony!  To see clearly, it might be beneficial for you to write your recollections down, and review the entire 'picture' at the end...

1) Who was I being when I met this person? Was I acting in any particular role (i.e. teacher,  window-washer, bartender, student...)
2) What role was that person in?
3) What was the physical environment of our meeting? Notice details...
4) Was anyone physically moving? Who?  In which direction?
5) What was my intial gut reaction? Did he/she remind me of someone? Of an animal? A color? A piece of music?
6) How did this person describe him/herself? How did I?  Was I 100% accurate in that moment?
7) Who else is in the room, and what are they doing?
8) What was our primary topic of conversation?
9) What was the point at which I perceived my thoughts about this person? What were those first thoughts?
10) Who was the first to cue departure? Who actually was the first to move away?


It is the seeing clearly part that may take a little practice, and yet is rich with understanding as you get good at it. It may be helpful to share these insights with someone who comes from a place of non-judgement, as they will help you to strengthen this skill.

And if you have any questions about what you see and what to do next, you can always call a coach.

 

Copyright 2000 By Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be duplicated in its entirety with contact information intact for not-for-profit purposes only. Contact: em@cornerstonecoaching.com   www.cornerstonecoaching.com or call toll free 1-877-532-0403.

 

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