Many of us have learned how important it is that we formulate our desired goals and outcomes in positive terms...but why exactly is that? Why isn't it effective to state a "don't want" for the future? Why must we spend our energy creating mental pictures about our what we want?  Why watch our words?

The short answer is that our brains think in pictures. There are also emotions associated with every image, regardless if it's real or created.  These feelings can push us in the direction we want, or work against our desired outcomes. It is extremely useful to know the sequence in which these pictures are "seen" by the mind: understanding this secret will reveal the emotional charge surrounding your goals...and your success or failure in attaining them.

Imagine for a moment that someone has decided that he does not want to look or feel overweight in his summer skivvies. He knows that he does not want to be fat anymore. Well, here's the rub: as long as he phrases his desires in negative terms (a don't want), his brain is set up for struggle, pain and probably failure. Here's why...

In the above scenario our friend experiences the emotions of seeing himself "x" ed out--- kind of like a circular no smoking sign with a picture of himself in the middle. Ouch!  His brain builds images through self-talk and spoken words in sequence: "me(image of self)...not(cross out self)....fat(description of self already crossed out). Before he even got to the detail of the fatman in the picture, his brain and body rebelled against this annihilation image, and created resistance to the concept of losing weight.

Many people have referred to this process and the results of it as self-sabotage. Really it's just survival: no one can bear "seeing" themselves "x" ed out--- the psyche must protect itself!

So how can you use this knowledge to speed toward your goals with 'whole brain/being support?'

Three steps (number one already underway...):

1. Become aware of your self-talk and the created images therein.

2. Create or find images of what you do want to have in your life. Focus here.

3. Recognize that "failures" were probably your brain's way of protecting your being. Say thank you and give yourself some real food for thought.

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Working with a coach is invaluable in knowing yourself and understanding your self-talk and imaging.. Here at CornerStone, we help you to master these principals, and will learn how to apply them consistently in your life. You will integrate on a level never before thought possible, in a supportive life-enhancing partnership. Your dreams await you..... Let's make them real....

Have you ever had a time in your life when you just knew that something big was about to happen? Maybe you told your friends and family that you could just feel a change coming on, and you weren't yet sure what it was?

This is the energy of expectancy, a state of being that literally creates experiences and manifests dreams. No hocus- pocus here; this is very nuts and bolts, useful, practical knowledge of how your mind works.

First of all, remember a time in your life when you were feeling quite expectant- if you have children this is probably easy for you. If not, remember what you felt on Christmas morning as a child, or perhaps what you felt before arriving at a big party you knew your friends (or that special person) were attending. What was that feeling in your gut, that way you were breathing? How did everything look to you as you waited for the moment when your anticipation would be sated?

That is the feeling of expectancy. This feeling literally creates experiences for the harbinger of it that will fulfill it's promise. Much as water rushes in to fill a hole, so do events and experiences to fill a gap in your perception. Expectancy creates just such a gap. The very nature of it is forward-focused, with an implication of an opening that is on the verge of being filled in pleasantly.    In your own experience, what usually occurred following this feeling? What kinds of events would calm the inner fires of expectancy?

Most people say that it was something pretty good, or at the very least, very meaningful.  Expectancy always looks for an object and must find or create something grand or meaningful to sate it's powerful grip.

So how is this useful? Top three:

1. You have the ability to create what you most want in your life through using the power of your own emotive expectancy.  Choosing to live in this state of mind continually creates pleasant life-surprises (which equals a happier, freer and opportunity-rich life).

2. The more you choose to recreate this feeling the more you open yourself to grander and bigger manifestations in your life. (the same old red fire truck doesn't do it every year)

3. Since you appreciate that which you waited for all the more-- you can maximize your appreciation along with your expectancy, and really take life for a ride (tis much better for you than lots of coffee). Don't you like to feel grateful anyway?

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Here at Cornerstone, it is our mission to help you to lay the foundation for the life of your dreams. One of the primary pieces of this is a basic emotional mastery: we teach you how to use your emotional power to make for you the life you really want.  Expect the best and get it. We will show you how to tune up your emotional juice and use it to fuel the fires of action. We want you to thoroughly appreciate the life you are creating for yourself- one dream at a time.

Last night while I was out for fast food with my young friend from the projects, I learned something about wanting and having. Our trip to "BK" was to me a simple stop-off for a snack, but for my 12 year old friend, it was an excruciating experience of longing.

Having grown up poor, she had no doubt heard the words "that's too expensive" many, many times. What I did not realize before was how deep this type of belief could go, and how it could hinder someone from getting clear on their own desires. As we stood in line, Cathy (not her real name) agonized over the simple question, "what do you want?" I had indicated that the sky was the limit, and that she could choose anything, but Cathy would not- could not- say specifically what she wanted. All she did say was "its too expensive." This went on for almost 10 minutes, and I only discerned her preference after threatening to buy her the filet o'fish. (She did indeed know what she didn't want!)

I had to watch her for tell tale signs like a glimmer in the eye, a subtle shift in posture and vocal quality shifts to determine her preferences so that we could order. What I learned however, was invaluable. What she had heard as a child ("too expensive") and she now tells herself , colors her thinking so much that it became like a gatekeeper to her desires. Cathy could not allow herself to vocalize her preferences without this limiting belief coming up and being vocalized first. This is now a cue for me to pay attention, but it is also a frustrating condition.

How many times have we been unable to voice our desires because of a limiting "gatekeeper" thought holding us back? How many times have we said "I'm not experienced enough, old enough, rich enough..." or "that's impossible" before we simply and clearly stated our desires? How many times have we stopped there? How often have you focused simply on your desires? What would happen if you did?

The way you actually get what you want in life is by first clarifying, then stating your desires with intention. Unfortunately, Life does not always watch for your subtle cues to guess at your preferences. Instead it will give you the filet o'fish, or the small fry until you say "that is not what I want---THIS IS." Only at this time will you actually be on the road to getting the life you desire. The Number One Combo- SUPERSIZED!

I grew up with a grandfather who approached tax day with pleasant anticipation, inner peace, and a sense of accomplishment. This was a stark contrast to many other people who seemed to use the "ides of April" as a time to bitch, moan, lie, deny and procrastinate about. My grandfather never really talked about the IRS- it seemed hardly on his mind. April 15 was simply another day for him to shine, one like all the others.

I have since discovered what makes the difference between serenity and anxious panic on tax day. It boils down to two things: a firm grasp of reality, and the living with integrity.

The IRS has revealed itself to be one of the most powerful organizations in this country. Unlike our legal system; in the eyes of the IRS, you are guilty until proven innocent. This is a fact. "Right or wrong" is an irrelevant discussion--- it is just how it is. How we relate to what is ultimately determines our peace and directly impacts our energy level. In the case of my grandfather, he knew what is and spent his energy on mastery not rationalization.

My grandfather told me that he discovered that it was in his own self interest to adhere strictly to the tax law. He said that this would ultimately pay far greater returns than anything shaved from his legitimacy, greater returns than a white "righteous" lie trying to save a few bucks. I would like to add that his peace of mind was worth substantially more than a few thousand dollars that could have been "saved" by balking the law. It made practical sense too- no foul, no harm, no audit. My grandfather placed a very high price on his personal integrity-- in fact, it could not be sold for any price.

Consequently, he approached tax day with a sense of anticipation. As the integrity issue for him was never in question, he could use his energy learning to master the tax system and maximize his legitimate deductions. Tax day always found him smiling and peaceful-- he loved the process so much that his taxes were always done early. What he paid in taxes he accepted as a part of his life, and he saved his soul (and his energy) for perfecting himself.

Our integrity is a priceless possession far beyond measure, and it serves us as a fountain of energy. How many times have you done one little thing outside of integrity only to find it draining you through your own memories for years to come? How often has a white lie kept you awake at night? In the case of the IRS, how would you feel about an audit? What happens when someone mentions that word to you?

If you are not smiling at these questions, chances are you have acted outside of integrity in some area of your life. This is a good time for a clear look at the real cost of your decisions. It is also a time to make some new ones. Placing your integrity first is a decision you can make anytime, regardless of your past decisions. Placing the highest value on your personal integrity makes your whole life of more value- as you make decisions from this place, you gift yourself with energy and stand as an example in the world.