CornerStoneCoaching™ Idea of the Week August 9, 1999

I never did a day's work in my life. It was all fun.
- Thomas A. Edison

 

 

 

CornerStoneCoachingTM Idea of the Week / A Client's Thanksgiving

November 23, 1999

THE CHALLENGE------------ Values in conflict = dilemma This past week, a client of mine presented a family situation that needed tending to. If this problem wasn't handled, then Thanksgiving was bound to set a few feathers flying. My client’s challenge was with an in-law who spoke negatively about the rest of her family. She didn’t want to hear her family bad-mouthed and had repeatedly threatened to lose her temper if it didn’t stop. This had very little effect on the critical in-law who may have thought she was still in-bounds if no tantrum was forthcoming. The bad mouthing continued and my client was now facing a big dilemma. See, she wasn’t the kind of person who valued losing her temper. She had grown so much and no longer pulled her temper as the trump card of control. She had grown up, and now recognized that she was responsible (i.e. able to respond) to every situation in her life, pleasant or not. So what could she do now with this loud, bad-mouthing in-law? THE MIDDLE GROUND------------- values clarified = choice My client moved from dilemma to choice when she realized that not only did she have many values, but that these values were in an order of priority too. Perhaps clarifying them would make the best course of action more apparent... She had listened to a lot more than her fill of negativity because she wanted to encourage her in-law to see the good in her family. She also didn’t want to lose her temper because she values her own serenity, but listening to the criticism interrupted it too. When she realized that she wants to help people to see differently, but first must take care of herself, she clarified her values. Mental peace first, influencing others second. So how could she take care of number one in this situation? THE SOLUTION-------------------Boundaries My client decided that she would redefine her boundaries. That is, from this moment forward, she would no longer stand for negative talk about her family from this person. She would state her request simply and unemotionally. She would enforce it if needed by illuminating infractions ("were you aware that you just criticized my parents"). She would remove the "temper threat" and simply turn on her heel and leave if the bad mouthing continued. This solution gave her peace and recreated the relationship between her and her in-law. Suffice it to say, I believe now that the former bad-mouther has a new found respect for a family that could produce such a wise and compassionate person as my client. *** No dilemma is solvable, but clarity always brings real choice. What must you redefine? ©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

Prospects do not buy how good you are at what you do. They buy how good you are at who you are.
-Harry Beckwith in 'Selling the Invisible'

 

 

CornerStoneCoachingTM Idea of the Week

I Heard You! The idea this week will return to it's usual non-fiction format...the "bedtime story" is posted in it's entirety in the archive. Thank you for your comments. December 20, 1999

The Lynchpin of Honesty Have you ever noticed that the most honest people you know, lie the most? These are the people that say revelatory gems like "you know me, I procrastinate," or "I have an issue with authority." or "I have a hard time completing things." These people are the strivers, the seekers, the self aware--and yes-- they is us! It's not that we haven't exhibited the qualities or behaviors we've said about ourselves. It's that we have described ourselves in the present moment, in terms that were only true in the past. Our present moment is made up of bodies breathing, minds thinking, worlds pulsing and a species striving....stars being born and oceans storming, amongst other things. It is not made up of last year's bad breakup or a few behavioral choices from the past. The language we use is powerful: so powerful that it directly influences how we experience our lives. Saying to ourselves "I always fail," creates a vastly different life than saying, "I can do anything." Any affirmation fanatic or Zen master will tell you, even more important than the content of what we say, is the time frame we link to it. Imagine someone saying to you, "I love you." Is that not a little different than "I loved you"?! Tense is the truest test of accuracy, and the final lynchpin of honesty. How can we honestly say who we are right now in a mere sentence or two? We can't. But we do want to communicate and share our stories with others. This is where word tense comes into play, as does a bit of psychological liberation... In conversation, saying something like "I have had a challenge completing things," or "I have procrastinated," opens up our story for real communion and growth. Speaking with others this way frees them to really help us, and initiates in ourselves the process of transformation. We've used language to describe and define our past, but oftentimes forgotten it's creative power. Not anymore! Using word tense consciously allows us to seize control of our lives, and create a future different from our past. Mastering our language use creates for us positive tendencies where there once were problems, and mystery where there once was misery. How can you use this tool today? How will you? ******************************** Happy Holidays from CornerStone! ©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

Enlightenment means taking full responsibility for your life.
-William Blake

 

 

CornerStoneCoachingTM Idea of the Week

December 31, 1999

Conscious or not...here it comes! Roll out the red carpet for your Y2K What theme do you want the coming year to stand for in your life? What if merely writing "00" or "2000" in a checkbook were enough to trigger a mantra that would color your experience for the entire year? Well, now is an ideal time to utilize one amazing bit of self-programming. Simple, yet immensely effective. Give this a whirl...what have you got to lose? You know how every year, it takes a few days, weeks, or maybe even months to reacclimate to writing the new date on your checks? Remember how acutely aware you become of the year (not to mention your age, plans, progress, projects, etc.) during those first few weeks? Well, that extra awareness is a golden opportunity to create 2000 the way you want it to be! Any time we step outside of our usual routines and become consciously aware of what we are doing is a special moment of creation. No hocus pocus -- this is simply a time when we are rerouting our neural pathways, and creating brand new associations in our mind. This is important because associations in our mind create feelings. These feelings naturally and subtly evoke actions, which then create the same associations in our lives. In other words, what we have linked in our minds, we will unconsciously seek to link in our lives. Examples of this abound. Remember wearing the same clothes to work on say, a Wednesday...and catching yourself craving the same lunch as you ate the last time? Or, have you found yourself singing the same song to yourself as you walk the same stairway you traverse over and over? Ever had the same bad time with a mate you've had before... and lo and behold, you're doing the same things in the same way, just as unconsciously as you did the first time?! Yikes! Making new patterns in life comes from creating new pathways in mind. And the easiest time to do this is during a moment of newness and heightened awareness. And since a bit of conscious direction will sharpen and intensify your results, your creative participation in this process is expected and requested. For a Y2K that reflects your dream theme, all you need do is 1) suspend your doubt and disbelief, 2)decide on a simple, memorable theme for this year, and 3) notice yourself linking your new theme with the numbers of the new year. It is that easy. Your theme - 2K, Your theme - 2000, theme /00, theme-00, theme00, '00.... oooo, oooo, ooooo! (that's musical accompaniment from a Motown chorus). Make for yourself a Very Happy New Year (and congratulate yourself on your conscious plan) ©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

CornerStoneCoaching^TM         Idea of the Week

January 7, 2000

You Outsourced What?!

I remember hearing a story about Elvis Presley that just amazed me. At times in his life he hired doctors to feed him low-calorie liquid diets intravenously as he remained sedated for weeks at a time. This was Elvis's no-effort weight loss plan... sleep it off, Memphis style.

I remember being both astonished and horrified when I heard this. Truth is, I kind of respected him too. He had had the nerve and resources to do what many people seek to do in regards to their bodies everyday- outsource their health.

Think about this. Isn't it true that many of us go to doctors, physical trainers, dieticians, etc. for the same kind of reason? That is, we want someone else to be responsible for our bodies?

On the most basic level, we can simply wake up our observation muscle and create our own phenomenal health. It works by this principal:  food A goes in, energy increases; food B goes in, belly bloats. Same goes for exercises we do, and movements we make. Some things reward us with good feelings, and some things rob us of them. What exactly is health, anyway? Might it include feeling GOOD?!

Another way of understanding this is by noticing right now how your body feels as you gaze at this computer screen. If you were to pull your shoulders back toward each other and breathe deeply into your belly, don't you feel differently? Do you like it better or worse than your previous posture? Your answers are what matter here, not my "prescription." In fact, your answers are the only ones that ever matter when it comes to your health. So why do we go to doctors to seek "magic bullets" in the form of pills and procedures?

Your experience continually gives you simple, undeniable evidence as to your health's increase or decline, your weight's ups and downs, your energy's expansion or diminishment. You need not go anywhere to figure this out- it is right here and now, plain as day. Action=> result, action => result, action=>result, etc...

The healing professions can be wonderful resources: for strategies that work, and unhealthy strategies to avoid. As experts in paying attention and gathering data, medical professionals serve as invaluable resources in your health education. No doctor however, can heal your body for you, nor can alternative medicine, trainers, dieticians, self-help books, or anyone else but YOU. Your health comes down to your awareness, and your ability to face full-on and honestly what works, and what doesn't work in your life.

Please do not misunderstand me, western medicine has an amazing knack for handling crisis situations: broken bones, heart attacks and the like. Unfortunately, many of us have opted out of conscious awareness until we reach the crisis state. You can pay someone else to pay attention for you, but you can not pay for great health. Like the King: we can't eat bacon by the bucket load without paying the price, and no matter what financial resources and experts we have, we can't sleep our way to vitality.

Wake up to your personal fountain of vital health...coaching can help.

©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

CornerStoneCoaching^TM Idea of the Week January 15, 2000

A Call for Mastery

©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

Whadda Ya Know

If you were to write the story of your life, what would you call it?

I began asking people this question a few months ago, and got a big insight from the answers I received.  A few people replied by stunned silence, some by pithy cliches, some by meaningful responses, and many more by "I Don't Know."  To this I  would lightly reply, "geez, I think 'Don't Know' has already been taken."  Indeed it had-- by over 30% of the people in this informal survey*.

This is not to say that a formidable mental struggle and a more "author-ly" title would not soon follow;  but these first answers are usually spot on in describing one's life.  These same individuals are often the one's who "don't know" what they really want to do with their lives, "don't know" what their blessings and gifts really are, and "don't know" what to do next....or at least that is what they've told themselves to date.

I know the perils of the "don't know-dom" because I resided that chapter for a good chunk of my life. With the smallest bit of retrovision I can see why this language pattern must be dismantled before the meaningful content of one's life can be examined.

Saying "I don't know" is one of the biggest lies that we have told ourselves. It is also one of the most insidious tricksters in our quest toward true understanding-- and an enemy to having a better life. Unfortunately, many of us learned this language pattern as children and suffered the results of a lifetime of "don't know's" as adults.

***

The only way the words "don't know" can be utilized effectively is if one wants to hide something to protect it.  In dangerous environments, you may notice much more of this 'not knowing' going around, and it is often used as a matter of survival.  In poverty stricken urban environments for example, revealing what one wants is tantamount to being manipulated or endangered:  "so you like having that necklace from your mamma  don't you..."Not pretty, but even disempowering sentiments can have an important purpose.

Is it still appropriate though, to be hiding your Truth in your current environment?   Perhaps it is, and you do not share what really makes your heart sing for fear it will be stomped on. Perhaps it is safe now and having a fulfilling life now demands that risk. We may want to ask ourselves: do I really want to treat my inner self as if it were a dangerous environment?!

As adults we can now choose to awaken to how safe we truly are. We we can look around at the number of years we have walked this place, and the earned strength in which we come to this place, right now. We have since chosen a world as safe as we need to survive, and just as risky as we need to keep growing.

****

As adults, we can choose language that supports the truth in our lives, and enjoy the freedom and achievements that necessarily follow. As adults we also know how to break patterns:   we know how to do things differently.

Here is a simple exercise in doing things differently. It is powerful.   If even a chapter in the book of your life has gone by "Don't Know,"  use this exercise to begin the Fascinating Chapter of Transformation. Enjoy the process & watch your results.

Exercise:  Each time you find yourself thinking or speaking "I don't know," this next week, change it over right away to "the answer is forthcoming!"    That's it.  Say the new words and get back to your other business. Please do not do this exercise perfectly -- it works best if you 'mess up' and catch yourself  later.  Of course, if you are perfect, we can make exceptions...

I've heard it said that a great title is enough to make Hollywood buy the option... so, what's gonna make your story a blockbuster?!

* roughly the same number said  "This is Fun" (whew!)

©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

CornerStoneCoaching^TM       

February 5, 2000

anti-strategies and pre-emptive realities

Ever made a preemptive decision, only to find that the thing you were avoiding came to pass anyway? Well, I can attest to a recent experience here. In fact, I am just coming off a "preemptive" month of rest, in attempts to stave off illness. I would have liked to think that it worked, but I noticed that in reality, that strategy just made me feel worse. Until yesterday that is, when Real Healing occurred…

Before that, I had been focusing on a hypothetical illness, and acting accordingly. It was not a rousing success. What I mean is; though I did not get really sick, I also did not get what I really wanted. In my foggy thinking I had focused on an anti-goal instead of the Real Thing. I was thinking about "not being sick" instead of "Being Healthy."

While I was forgetful of my real goals, I also took actions that affected my well-being. As an ‘nearly sick’ person, I had decided that I should sleep more and run less. This made me groggier and sluggish, which in turn, slowed me down and made me more tired. This in turn began to affect my health adversely…

Because our bodies and subconscious do not understand the "not" concept, my results were as if I had been lying around saying "sick" to myself over and over. As we think, so become us, and our subconscious mind has an amazing ability to attract what it focuses on. My thinking had brought about the actions and feelings of a sick person. Yikes! Feeling like a sick person was the exact opposite of what I wanted!

Fortunately, yesterday was a wake up for me.  I did not start out feeling any differently than I had been. But yesterday morning, I decided to think differently. I shifted my focus and remembered Radiant Health. I took a good look at the results I was achieving, and decided to do things differently. I saw the error of my "anti-strategy," and chose a Real One instead. I saw a way out of this sickly spiral.

A vigorous run in freshly fallen snow marked my early rise, and the beginning of a continuing abundance of energy.

A fragile me wouldn’t have done that, nor would a sick Elizabeth. But a woman with health and vitality on her mind can do anything, including her longest, strongest run ever!

As I ran off the road and noticed the dawn, I realized how this was like so many things in our lives. Being abundant and not being in debt are not the same, nor is being happy and not hurting. We can truly heal of anything if we focus on health. We can have all the glory we really want, if we can wake up and claim it inside.

May you find Real Healing, for it lingers always in your mind… 

  ©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

CornerStoneCoaching^TM         Idea of the Week

February 13, 2000

"I declare war."

How often have you heard, thought or witnessed this sentiment?  If you are like me, than you have seen it in the world around you in the form of bodies fighting and people dying. Or maybe you've even thought these words   to yourself when slighted by a co-worker, cut-off by a bad driver, or attacked by an enemy.

Or maybe you are more evolved than that, and have declared war on negativity instead. Perhaps you've declared war on fat, or illness or poverty. Maybe you are even winning the war on cancer, drug abuse, or violence. Perhaps you have won many wars and stand here now victorious, a warrior, a winner.

But when is the last time you declared peace?

**********************************

A dear friend had told me about a painful situation she had known years ago.  Day after day, she had fought with negativity stemming from conflicts in her relationship. Each day had brought to her new behaviors she could not respect.  And each day she would fight her own desire to leave.  She had been in this relationship for five years and had mastered the art of  invisible defense. She no longer skirmished over integrity, or power,  money or identity. She became triumphant in her pacific ways--no blood was shed anymore, no bickering was brandished, no defenses were developed. She and her partner became, by all external standards, a harmonious pair, while she merely fought the battle in her own heart.

And still she felt no peace, until the day she declared it.

***************************************************************

Can you imagine an antagonistic relationship under a lock, stock and barrel declaration of peace ? Who would win the battle of the sexes, or the issue du jour?  Who would be right? What are the sides?

Can you audit  your mind, your heart, your soul under the martial law of tranquility?  Where no war were even possible; no matter how many pickets, or signs, or screaming, kicking parts and hearts were tendered?

Can you imagine a world where one unreasonable individual could declare the peace of a nation; and even the majority opinion, and protests, and meaningful sacrifices could not shake it?  Can you imagine the detractors tossing insults and shooting guns, only to find themselves victimized by the pervasive tide of serenity?

Can you see your family, your life, your mind altered by this treasonous declaration?  Your choice to defy becomes irrelevant:  You are swept into the manifest effects of a peace-filled planet.  Imagine your day to day life, your economics, your culture, your descendents in a world ruled by accord...   Your friction becomes ingenuity, your drive -- desire.

What would change for you, if this declaration were fashioned?  How might you think, what might you do? Would you follow your leader, or continue to fight for your right to war?

You are asked these things for only one reason:   Peace has been declared, and only a few of you slept   through it.

  ©1999 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved. May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.

CornerStoneCoaching^TM         Idea of the Week

February 21, 2000

Ten Daily Habits

I remember the first time I heard about this from a coach. She suggested developing ten empowering daily habits. At the time I could barely manage my one chosen habit of 8 glasses of water, so the thought of nine more really horrified me. Of course I thought I had to choose tough ones...

If you are at all like I was, you might balk at this request too. "TEN?!"  you may say, "I barely have time to scarf down breakfast!"   Well, just so you have a true story to run by that reluctant mind-- I now have 8 big ones in place and am gratefully working up to numbers 9 and 10. The installation of each habit has made me feel fabulous. And they've given me a daily practice forum for feelings I've been wanting to become natural: accomplishment.  I encourage you to give yourself this gift, and watch your life get better and better-- one habit at a time.

I've listed a  few of my habits, with some effortless alternatives as well. Enjoy!

Copyright 2000 by Elizabeth Mullen. All rights reserved.  May be electronically transmitted with copyright information intact for non-commercial purposes only.