If you have a highly evolved sensory range, then you probably have experienced a great deal of confusing emotions in your life. You may even have been criticized for your remarkable talent. "You are too sensitive," you may have been told, or "don't take it personally," when you reacted with great emotion to a seemingly innocuous event or communication.

So here is a groundbreaking statement of the obvious:  if something happens to (or around) you-- yes, it is personal.  If the cab driver scowls while you are in the cab, if the supermarket checkout person winks in your direction, if your boss says something about "the employees" -- it is about you. If your person experiences it, it is personal.  Simple.

The other news is: on another level, absolutely nothing is personal. The cabby is preoccupied with his failing health, the checkout person has a fly in the eye, your boss is having a bad day. So what is this contradiction all about? And what can those who are 'too sensitive' do to respond effectively?

The key to understanding and responding to these kinds of double messages is to become a multi-level communicator. This means to make a distinction between rationally communicated words & gestures; and unconscious ones. It involves accepting that everything that happens in your space IS a meaningful communication in and of itself. The boss or checkout girl could do their thing near some other body---the fact that it is your body does mean something, just probably not consciously!

Our world has has put a heavy emphasis on rational and verbal communication. This is the "you said, I did" type of stuff or "the sky is blue" level of communication. This is very valuable, in that it affords us the opportunity to create things like skyscrapers and computers. It is also only 7% of our overall communication.  And addressing issues only on this level is only about 7% effective. (Remember trying to explain to someone who says they care about you that you just don't feel it-- how far did that get you?)

A whopping 93% of our communication consists of vocal quality and body cues, "essences" of feeling, and emotional telepathy. We can all read situations this way, whether we know we do or not. Those that are "sensitive" are more acutely tuned to these cues; chances are however, that they have not been taught 93% of the alphabet of response.

The key to effective response is having your verbal communication address only the verbal communication of the other party. Let your non-verbal cues address the non-verbal cues of the other party. This means physically distancing yourself from a displeasurable situation, not talking about it. It also means sometimes getting closer even though someone's words speak otherwise.

Take for instance the case of someone who keeps bumping into you by accident. This person might be talking about how much they like space, but their body keeps brushing by you. An effective response in words could be, "I understand that you need space," while your non-verbal communication keeps you in proximity for another accidental bump (provided you want to be physically close!)  Creating false physical distance based on their words, or verbalizing that close is good are both losing strategies.  Got it?!

In what situation must you learn to master the respond-in-kind rule?   What do you really want to make happen?

GLOBAL QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  Who says peace is not possible yet actually maintains it?

ORNERSTONE QUOTES OF THE WEEK:

If you are poor, though you dwell in the busy marketplace, no one will inquire about you; if you are rich, though you dwell in the heart of the mountains, you will have distant relatives. -Chinese Proverb

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.  -Robert Frost

April 24, 2000        Reach for Much More

On the ascent, there was barely a moment to be afraid, I just kept looking up at where I wanted to be, ignoring the ever distant ground below.

As I got within 3 feet of the top of this pamper pole, my temptation to look down increased. Once I did, and this glance was followed by my first nauseating wave of fear. A long way down to be sure, but I wasn't here to assess the potential damage to a small person falling 50 feet to the hard ground. A moment later, I remembered my goal, and heaved myself up the final shaky steps up to the dinner plate sized top of a pole. I stood there balanced on the top and looked at the sky. I made it. Sort of...

There was still the matter of the trapeze hanging 12 feet ahead of me, daunting me to catch it as a final mark of victory. I remembered everything the successful ones had told me. "Don't aim to catch the bar... shoot beyond." "Reach for a cloud a thousand feet in the distance, then you will surely catch the trapeze."

The advice was sound, and tried, and true. Aim beyond and you will surely reach your goal.

I came to understand this concept in another way when I changed careers not too long ago. I knew that I wanted a lifestyle that would require a huge upgrade in income, and I wanted it soon. All the traditional ways of ' working up from the mailroom' would mean at least a decade before I would realize my target income. Too long for me...besides, now I knew how to catch a star...

So, the bar was set, and I determined my target hourly rate to make my life the way I want it. I daringly set new professional rates -- at over 18 times their current figure. Old clients were given special deals, but new clients knew me only as this high-powered professional with rates to match.

When I looked at where I was coming from, a small business manager and part-time waitress, I felt a little frightened. Who was I to charge this 'fortune' per hour?

So I shot for the clouds, and potential clients took me more seriously. True, many of them couldn't afford it, but they treated me as worth it nonetheless. Suddenly people were bargaining to pay me quadruple my usual fee, then 6 times it, then 10 times my previous hourly rate. I focused on giving even more than that in value, they focused on receiving it, and we all had a better life.

Like I learned from standing up high in the clouds,  I could have incrementally stepped up to my goal, small steps over many years.  But like I learned from climbing that pole and aiming for a rising star.... an incremental jump just don't get you that bar!

Step up and aim high!

******

Q of Week: Where would you rather live: in a land that accepts only minimal violence, or a land that demands 100% harmony?

May 1, 2000        STILL SMALL VOICE vs. the loud obnoxious ones

Ever hear the "still small voice within?" or your inner voice, authentic self, or higher power? Ever get a clear message from your intuition, or a inner dictate from the divine?

If you've said yes, then you are one of those finely tuned individuals who listens more carefully then most. Congratulations! For those of you who would like to know more about how to do this, read the following story...

As a budding jazz singer here in the States, Kathy* was in the unenviable position of having to market herself religiously in order to work in her chosen profession. For years her talent had remained under-utilized, and her life was financially difficult and emotionally tiring. Back then, she described herself in terms of her thoughts--and she seemed plagued by negative ones: "I have a background of failure" "I can't come through," "this is hard," and "who do I think I am, anyway?" 

These menacing thoughts seemed to echo through her head, and just when she needed to take action. She described them almost as if they were voices, and loud voices at that. "When will I work through this?" she wondered about these negative notions, "when will I feel like I can succeed and move forward?"

Occasionally, she did get a chance to sing, but more often, she found herself waiting tables in sandwich shops and pubs.  In order to succeed in her profession, she believed she would need a "big break," actually "an enormous one." She would have to make a huge impact-- fast-- in order to achieve her dream. As these compelling, devilish voices often indicated, small simple actions just wouldn't cut it.  In time, she learned to take these actions anyway, even though the obnoxious inner voice would always say, "that's not enough."

Kathy wanted to sing. And she wanted all those damaging thoughts to stop-- they just didn't make her feel good. Especially the one that tried to disguise itself as a "reality check." It wasn't loud, but was definitely nasty just the same.

One day, as she walked by the local clock tower, Kathy got a  eureka that changed her life. In all her therapeutic studies, Kathy had become a good listener.   And in a simple moment, she noticed the distinct obnoxious quality of these random discouraging thoughts in her head, and began to listen to something else. Books and teachers had spoken about it... it was the still small voice within. Kathy heard it, and inwardly rolled out the red carpet for it, even amidst the shouts of the old, stale fears.

She had just been asking herself, "what would I do if I wasn't afraid?" when she heard the voice. It said "go up the clock tower and sing." She listened, and she did. Nothing earth shaking happened on that trip up the dilapidated elevator, or at the open air gallery behind the mammoth clock face. Nothing except that she did it, and she felt good, and she understood.

Kathleen credits this moment as the beginning of what has become a remarkable and effortless career. Big breaks have come, but not the way the old crusty voices told her they would.  Big breaks have come from her smallest actions.

"Take the A train today," "call this person," "visit this office now." Each time she followed through on the gentle, simple direction of her still small voice, she met someone unexpectedly. Connections to club owners, record labels, and leads that helped her to craft her now miraculous career, and all because Kathleen learned discernment.

What is your still small voice telling you now?    Want to   listen again?

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